Vipassana Part Two- The Karmic Carwash

It is so funny that I had a fear of boredom. Sitting for ten hours a day was, I thought, my idea of Hell. However, when you are in a silent environment, a conducive and calm environment, you begin to realize that there is so much inside you you need never watch TV again. The first thing I became aware of was voices. Often my own, often other peoples. Sometimes ones I knew, sometimes not. It got quite surreal at times, almost like one of those Andy Warhol experimental films with the strangely aggressive people repeating random words or concepts, firing them out endlessly for no perceivable reason other than to be heard. But they echo, echo, resonate and fade. And you realize that this is whats going on underneath, what you are normally unaware of. Like theres a factory or machinery operating your being and you’ve actually never met any of the workers, and when you do its kind of surprising how guttural their language is. And the factory is pretty much self perpetuating.
Sometimes it gets visual, although you have to do your best not to get involved with anything you experience. I experienced a couple of memories from my teens- and in an instant I saw a whole way of being that had arisen from literally, a moment of time 22 years ago. Something that happened with a boy that had me ‘handcuffed to pain’ in a sense. Very strange. And at the same time as soon as I acknowledged it there was no need to poke it further, to navel gaze or indulge in a good old session of emotional masturbation (Oh! The drama as you cry and cry! The tears come to a throbbing crescendo!!!). I simply heard a voice saying “He really didn’t know what he was doing”. And just like that I let it go. No blame, no recrimination. Just seeing something for what it was. And that was on the first day.
At the end of the first day I was overcome by a feeling of ascension. For quite a long time- or so it seemed- I felt as if something ‘lifted me up’. All thoughts stopped, my being was suspended in white light and I was free of thought, free of myself, for a little while, it felt like I was being washed clean.
There were other times throughout the course too, when my body would shudder and tears would flow endlessly, but they weren’t attached to any thoughts. Sometimes I could not breathe.
You have to follow the method though. When you experience pain or pleasure- lightness of sharp back pain or cramps you have to detach from it. Which is difficult. Especially when you are ‘in the light’ as that’s like not getting involved with an orgasm. Which is difficult, but certainly not impossible.
I made some interesting discoveries. Like it becomes easy to detach from physical pain, itching or tickly feelings but detaching from being too hot is more challenging. However, when you do, you actually stop sweating.
Time seems to melt and swell too- sometimes twenty minutes feels like two hours. Sometimes two hours feels like the blink of an eye.
There came a point where, one day, I no longer had to think about the meditation, it started to happen without any thought whatsoever and I was totally passive. It felt like I was in some kind of karmic carwash and the meditation was coursing through me. I was no longer even breathing air, the air was breathing me.
And the memories and realizations kept coming to the surface, it was like ten days of exorcism. There’s still more to come.

1 thought on “Vipassana Part Two- The Karmic Carwash”

  1. Wonderful. It’s magical to hear other people’s experiences of the course and I think that is why I came to agree that the rules, which at first seem so draconian, are so vital. It has to be an experience unique to oneself and not informed or hampered by anyone else’s – ideally even in advance but certainly not as it unfolds over the course.

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